And so the school year ends. Good riddance? No!! Because with the coming of the summer holidays brings the leaving of Smeed. Hence, there will be very few Smeed quotes for the next few months... unless we are lucky enough to bump into her on the holidays, not that we would be searching *shifty eyes* But, we are pleased to report considerable progress in contacting a certain.. err.. 'sister of the Smeed'. Yes.. everyone take a minute to recover from that shocking news. We will keep everyone updated on our progress.

What a momentous occasion. We have received our first 'non-ancient history' Smeed quote. (thank you mystery Smeed fan)

"Ok while we were learning something boring about Vietnam, one of the guys in our class was looking out the window at a bird so naturally smeed stops the whole class and yells:

"LOOK OUT THE WINDOW!....THERE IS A PIGEON!"

She then went on describing this pigeon."

HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY FROM ALL OF US TO YOU!
WE WISH IT WAS OUR BIRTHDAY SO WE COULD PARTY TOO!

Yes Smeed fans you heard right it is Smeed's birthday the most important event during November! Forget Thanksgiving and Guy Fawkes Day, even put aside Movember and focus all your positive energy towards Smeed.

In addition now that we know the date we, the Smeed Stuff staff, emplore you to think big for next year! We're talking HUGE: A trogan horse pinata, a matchstick colleseum, a...toga party?

Have a great Smeed-day everyone (Smeedgiving?) especially to you Smeed. We know you're reading. Even if its only to collect evidence for those restraining orders you've been trying to get.

"I don't run. I glide."

- Sugar Smeed (as in sugar glider - yes thats the flappy squirrel thing above)

"HI TORI!"

- Smeed (Tori fan expresses her joy)

Some exciting *cough* information on the surname 'Smeed':

This interesting surname has a number of possible origins. Firstly, it may derive from the Old English pre 7th Century "Smethe" meaning smooth and was a topographical name for someone who lived on a piece of smooth, level ground. It may also be of locational origin from Smeeth in Kent, recorded as "Smitha" in the "Index to the Charters and Rolls" in the British Museum 1018, from the same derivation. One, Laurence de Smethe, is noted in the 1275 Hundred Rolls of Kent. The surname may also have originated as a nickname from the same word, "smethe", used in a transferred sense for someone of an amiable disposition. One, William le Smeth, appears in the 1279 Hundred Rolls of Oxfordshire. In the modern idiom the surname has many variant spellings including Smeed, Smeeth, Smead, Smeath, etc.. The marriage of Robert Smee and Agnes Turner took place at Uxbridge, London, on September 24th 1612 and Thomas, son of Lewis and Luce Smee, was christened on January 18th 1638, at St. Dunstan's, Stepney, London. The first recorded spelling of the family name is shown to be that of Richard Smethe, which was dated 1202, in the Pipe Rolls of Cornwall, during the reign of King John known as known as "Lackland", 1199 - 1216. Surnames became necessary when governments introduced personal taxation. In England this was known as Poll Tax. Throughout the centuries, surnames in every country have continued to "develop" often leading to astonishing variants of the original spelling.

http://www.surnamedb.com/surname.aspx?name=Smeed

"duh nuh...duh nuh duh nuh"

- Smeed the shark (Jaws theme btw. She did it today. Whilst we were on the computers -_- God you people don't pay nearly enough attention to the comical genius that is Smeed. I mean SERIOUSLY you people shouldn't even be in her class if you aren't going to hear her jokes! Your very presence dilutes the atmosphere of funny. If was it was just us it would be PURE god dammit! A pristine and appreciative sanctuary where only the devoutest of worshippers may bask in the radiant glory of SMEED! --- I shouldn't have had that second cup of coffee.)

whilst marking off the role...

Smeed: Ashlyn... yes...Callum...yes - unfortunately.

The staff of Smeed stuff present to you an excerpt from My Life Is Average:

Today, in history class, we were studying the ancient city states of Ancient Greece. Our teacher (the classic old history teacher) had a rolling chalkboard with a map of greece, and we tried to label them of a reading in our textbook. Our teacher pointed at one unmarked city and asked, "What city is this?" No one answered. After the awkward silence, our teacher yelled "THIS IS SPARTA!" and kicked the chalkboard to the floor. MLIA

One question: Smeed?

"I might not be here next week. I'm planning on having a mental breakdown"

- Smeed-decoy (just kidding)

"I was gonna say... fully good."
-deemS (or as some say, demS)

Fact- There is a street called 'Smeed' (we would like to note that number 7 is already shotgunned by the Smeed Stuff staff, as it would appear it is the only house with green grass)

After filing through our extensive and rather unorganised archives, we have come across another Smeed quote!

"I hear a dying dog, and I don't mean the teacher."
-'snap-that' Smeed

For those unfortunate few who missed seeing Smeed in her ladybug hat today, here is a replica:

(as we would rather not be arrested for stalking)

Fact - For the year 12 dress up day Smeed came dressed as Smeed-decoy

Fact- Smeed likes purple.

This is somehow related to Smeed.... just watch it :)

Had a recent Smeed sighting? Or been fooled by those pesky Smeed Decoys? (oh yes, they're out there) Tell us your deepest darkest Smeed secrets.

Do not speak Chloe.
-classic Smeed

student: Callum is to awesome as Deirdre is to...?
Smeed: Chuck Norris.

"I was going to break into Bohemian Rhapsody but I thought that might ruin my credibility"
- Smeedy Mercury

Upon finishing the rather humorous documentary, Smeed informs the class that as half of the students are absent, we get free time!
Well, this was bound to end badly right from the start.
After a rather shifty throw of a cricket ball hits the grate on the roof, under which Smeed 'happens' to be standing, she gets covered in 'brown stuff'.
Smeed: "Yes, you just got brown stuff in the teachers hair..." *looks up* "Oh! It's ok, it's just the bodies of dead bugs..."
Smeed then spends the rest of the lesson removing said 'brown stuff' (aka dead bugs) and continues with her mumbling. Oh Smeed....

Smeed: How do you do that thing?
Entire class: Insert.
Smeed: Thanks, great brains trust thing you have going there.

"I'm perplexed. I'm utterly perplexed."
...perplexed Smeed?

"Expensive bloody books."
-conservative Smeed

"You know who I hate, Nazis"
-racist Smeed (is it racist if youre racist towards the racist)

Smeed fan expresses her joy.

"Tri means three. Tricycle... triangle.... I've gone off on a tangent again"
- Smeed + Smeed + Smeed

Student: I didn't know you were 'up' with technology
Smeed: They showed me the wheel and I went from there.

"Somebody giggles like a freak!"
- (OMG you should have heard her imitation of the giggle) Smeed

Upon being asked if she trusts 'I'm really not Beth', Smeed replies:
"She's been in here long enough to be corrupted by the lot of you! It's the quiet ones you need to look out for."
-Smeed vs. student?

(lego Ceasar be the reason - see last page of handout)

"I'm at least as smart as Einstein."
-sure Smeed

Student: Why can I smell nail polish?
Smeed: Because you are special. And you are having a stroke.

Fact-

duhh!!

During their monotonous shift, four workers discussed what they would do with a time machine in a effort to pass the time (no pun intended...so maybe there was a little intention)

One said "I'd go back in time and fix my life. Firstly by never applying for this job."
Another said "I'd go back in time to get with hot chicks from the past."
Facing the former, the third said "I'd go back in time to kill you. Though I don't really need a time machine for that."

The workers chuckled and continued with their tedious manual labour, forgetting to ask their other colleague who muttered under his breath:

"....baby Smeed."

Smeed fan 1: She's just... awesome.
Smeed fan 2: Yes, there is no other way to explain her. Just a-w-e-s-o-m-e.
Smeed fan 1: Indeed.

"This coffee tastes like dirt. I'll drink it anyway, it has sugar."
-ahhh Smeed

"I will throw something at you. No... I say that a lot. I will throw you at something."
-classic Smeed.

Fact- Smeed is not afraid to throw mini footballs at your head. Infact, she enjoys it.

In search of more Smeed-songs our resident musicologist found this music video. Toga party anyone?

"I grew up in the ghetto man."
-gangsta Smeed

"I am a walking thesaurus."
-useful, beneficial, advantagous, handy, serviceable, all-purpose, appropriate, helpful Smeed

Smeed: Does anyone know why I went to the office?
Entire Class: Bandaid.
Smeed: Right...

Fact: Volcano pictures excite Smeed and Smeed Decoy.

"I'm going to be throwing almonds at you in a minute... it's either almonds or a chair."
-nutty Smeed

Fact- Smeed has seen Coraline.

"We'll arrange some sort of signal for when I'm talking to other humans."
-secret Smeed

Fact: Smeed gives lunch money to starving school children.

"If you'll excuse me, I am going to go take some drugs... the legal kind."
-Shifty Smeed

"Maybe I'll wear a funny hat."
-Mad hatter Smeed

Student: Are you badass?
Smeed: *no comment*

"... and if anyone asks... you're not my student."
- sass-much? Smeed

"Why do I have the Addams Family song stuck in my head?"

*a few minutes of pondering*

"Oh! That's right.... there is someone in the staffroom called Adams."
- Random Smeed

The question is... which one's Smeed?

"They kept serving me tea."
-Refreshed Smeed

Warning! Another Smeed decoy was spotted today at Perth train station.
Don't be fooled!

Many Smeed fans went to So You Think You Can Dance live tour, including members of the Smeedstuff staff (say that fives times, fast).
So that got us thinking.... Do you think Smeed can dance?

We just realised that our first class back this term is with Smeed!
What a great way to start off a new semester.

Well, we are officially 7 days into the holidays... which means a whole 7 days without Smeed. *mega sigh* I hope everyone is enjoying the time off, and look forward to more Smeed sass!

Fact- Smeed does not sleep... she finds rest in quirky comments.

"I will be practicing my kung fu on you in a minute!"

-ninja Smeed

Fact- Smeed has a law.

Smeed's Law, named after R. J. Smeed who first proposed the relationship in 1949, is an empirical rule relating traffic fatalities to traffic congestion as measured by the proxy of motor vehicle registrations and country population. Thus increasing traffic volume leads to a decrease in accidents per vehicle. It was posited after an analysis of figures from a number of countries over several decades.

and here is the formula:

Obviously some kind of code to the reason behind Smeed's awesomeness.

For more information visit http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Smeed%27s_law

We have been informed by one of our dedicated fans that Smeed has officially seen Transformers 2.

Toga... Party?

Good news Smeed-fans!
Search 'Lauren Smeed' and you will see our site!
This calls for a Toga Party!

Fact- Smeed reads minds.

Watch out for Smeed decoy(s)!

Why run when you can leap!
Courtesy of the Spartacus theatrical production.

"You are not muffin worthy."
-Baker Smeed

"Does anyone disagree? Because I will eat you!"

-Hungry Smeed?

"They could have run around Rome... it would have been fun!"
-ruler Smeed

"Technically, if you are a slave, someone should be feeding you... technically."
-Technically correct Smeed

Exciting news people!
The staff of Smeed Stuff just found a new, more suspenseful description of La Moustache!!
Enjoy and dwell in its awesomeness.

LA MOUSTACHE is a surrealist tale about a man who shaves off his beloved moustache after asking his girlfriend whether she thinks it would be a good idea. After the final remnants of his formerly magnificent creation are washed down the sink the man stands back to see what friends and family think...only to find that none of them notice any difference in his appearance. A crisis of confidence ensues, with the man starting to doubt whether he ever even had a moustache in the first place.

'formerly magnificent creation' indeed!
Now all we must do it convince Smeed to let us watch this magnificent creation of suspenseful media... much more interesting than Spartacus or Finding Nemo!

"ooo... a peacock. Scary!"
-La Smeed

"Don't make me use my angry face!"
-deemS

Fact- Spain is rocky... we don't like Spain.

"They set the sheep on fire!"

-sheepish Smeed?

"Cmon! Don't look so excited! You glum little boys and girls."
-Smeed the wise

Student: If we do Ancient History next year, will you be teaching us?
Smeed: I'm the only idiot willing to teach Ancient History at our school.

"If you want something... set it on fire!"

-Arsonist Smeed

"Oh... Callum isn't here. I just noticed. I'm heartbroken."

-Distressed Smeed

"It makes me want to throw things at the television."
-anger management Smeed aka Smeedasaur

Smeed: We are about to jump 50 years in history.

Student: Jesus Christ!

Smeed: No, he wasn't there yet.

After much research we can safely say this is Smeed's favourite song.

The staff of SmeedStuff present to you:
Frontier Psychiatrist by The Avalanches

Fact - Smeed shot the Sheriff and the Deputy.

Student: I've condensed it.
Smeed: Just as long as you can uncondense it, or recondense it... I think I just made a new word. I'm excited!

"I think my brain's trying to escape my head... which could be bad... and messy. "
- Pondering Smeed.

Fact - Smeed likes transformers

For those of you who missed what the homework was during the exam period, here it is:

100 words on the positives and negatives of Pamela Bradley's hair.

And here she be, have fun -

"I've got to keep breathing, I keep forgetting"
- SSSSSmeed (so that explains the sighing)

"If I can hear you I will come back and smack you all!"
- Grizzly Smeed

"Yeah, he was neutral - he was Switzerland."
- S.M.E.E.D (Super. Mega. Extremely. Epic. Dude)

"Cleopatra...was a hussy"
- Jealous Smeed?

"lets reach back into the dark recesses of our minds"
- 5M33dZ

Fact - There is no 'I' in team. Only Smeed.

"uh-oh...brain...not...
keeping...up...with...hand"
-Sm#@d

The ultimate test
Smeed: Question 7 - what is your name? Question 8 - what is your teacher's name?

"we can do it together, yay!"
- The Leader aka Smeed

Fact - In Soviet Russia Smeed annoy you!

Fact - S is for Smeed, duh.

"Alright cookies lets get to work"
- Smeed monster

"BLA BLA BLA" etc.
- rambling Smeed

"Homo means man! Get used to it you crazy little critters"
-Politically Correct Smeed

"If baby keeps doing that I'm gonna throw him out the window"
- Sister Smeed

Fact - If Smeed threatens to staple your face it means she likes you.

"You laugh but YOU PEOPLE ANNOY ME"
- Smeed the Black

"If you don't include a quote you're giving yourself.... a bad naughty thing"
- Smaad, I mean Smood, I mean Smeed!

Fact- Smeed does not sigh because she has lost her passion for teaching, she sighs to expell her awesomeness. Otherwise she has an overconcentration of said awesomeness eventually causing her to systematically shutdown due to the lack of equilibrium within her body....?

Five, Seven then five;
syllables mark a haiku,
remarkable oaf

here's one we wrote about...well just guess or alternatively read down.

Smeed is quite awesome:
spitting sarcasm at foes,
slinging sass their way.

Now you write one too!

"...and remember; tomorrow we have our giant, mega, super session"
- enthusiastic Smeed

and on that note...

Smeed's tip for young Australian mothers...
Smeed: You're not really supposed to grab the baby by it's face.

for more great advice contact
Ms. Lauren Smeed
Woodvale Senior High School

student: shutup Beth!
Smeed: I second that motion!

"ARRRGH THE MOUSTACHE!!!!"
- Smeedzilla

"Get rid of that moustache movie, or I'll make you wear a plastic moustache for a week!"
- Blackmailing Smeed

"You guys have issues..."
- Captain Smeed-Beard

"Have your parents ever had the 'drugs are bad' talk with you?"
- Scared Smeed

"Groovy"
- Sunflower aka Smeed

Possibly the greatest movie ever made:
Marc is sitting in his bath one morning and asks his wife, "how would you feel if I shaved off my moustache?" She doesn't think it's a great idea, for the 15 years they've been married, she's never known him without his 'stache. He shaves it off anyway, but when he sees his wife, she doesn't notice, neither do their friends at dinner that night, neither do his co-workers. Marc finally flips out, shouts at everyone, tells them he's tired of their little joke, and what do they really think. His wife and co-workers are appalled, what is he talking about, he's never had a moustache! In fact, he's imagining other things as well, or is he?
When asked whether she would see it, Smeed said "Maybe..." (thats good right?)

The most epic story ever! Smeed read it herself

Student: This story won an award.
Smeed: From who, the butchers' guild?

"Are you talking to inanimate objects?"
- Smeedzen

"Are you interupting me while I'm talking to my class? Are you asking for detention? Do you wanna fight?"
- Sassy McSasserson (Smeed)

Miss Smeed addressing her class to make sure they are using the computers correctly
Smeed: Anyone else on 'Star Wars' freakin....whatever?
Public shaming will do the trick.

"They are coming...slowy coming. VERY SLOWLY"
- Smeed -_-

"Please don't vommit on my carpet"
- Queasy Smeed

student: what was he doing?
smeed: he was running around fighting the bloody germanic tribes!

Student: Miss Smeed you wanna hear a joke?
Smeed: Miss Smeed has no sense of humour. She is not interested.

"I'm on a rampage...an evil, violent rampage."
- Homework checking Smeed

Google: Smeed, Rome
this is what you get

"Everyone was corrupt in Ancient Rome. You were considered corrupt if you weren't corrupt."
- Smeedie

Smeed: ...and your clan name.
Student: What if you don't have a clan name?
Smeed:Then you're a skank and don't deserve a name.

"There are people in here that would like you to be quiet but they are too polite to tell you. So I will; SHUT IT!"
- El Smeedo

Fact - Smeed is a personal friend of Cthulhu

"Are you for serial?"
- Smeed "the strangler"

RATE SMEED AGAINST OTHER TEACHERS!

"Fo shizzle"
- Street Smeed

Huzza! The site has been fixed! We must return to Smeed-blogging immediately...

The site is currently experiencing technical difficulties (damn thing) but fear not, we shall soon be up and running again.

If you find yourself starved of Smeed try drawing a picture of Smeed or imagine Smeed fighting Godzilla untill we are fixed.

*We are not responsible or liable for any deaths realted to Smeed starvation or sickness.*

TOGA PARTY!!! If you want Smeed and her class to have a toga party at the end of the year comment this.

Fact - Smeed has a timemachine

“If I give you a shiny purple pencil will you shutup and work?”

—

Smeedella